VFW Ladies' Auxiliary Meeting Minutes
By Dale Dobson, www.daledobson.com

VFW Ladies' Auxiliary Meeting Minutes - June 11, 2004
Recording Secretary: Miss Gertrude Albertson

The meeting was called to order at 12:07 PM by Madame Chairwoman Irene Talbot. The minutes from the previous meeting were approved by unanimous vote, without discussion. I don't know why I even waste my time.

Planning for the Summer Mother-Daughter Banquet was discussed. The event is scheduled for Sunday, August 8 from 2:00-4:00 PM. It will be coordinated by Annie Mulcahy, which is odd, because she doesn't even get along with her own daughter, or her disrespectful grandbrats. I saw one of them, I can't even tell which one because they're both always so dirty, urinating in the pond behind my house last year.

Mary Twohey reported on last month's ice-cream social fundraiser. $872 in sales were tallied, with $268 spent on supplies and $120 on publicity flyers. 170 people attended, thanks to good weather, and 14 gallons of ice cream were consumed. Mary didn't report on how much of the ice cream she ate herself. I bet it was more than a little.

My pen ran out of ink, but I always have a spare in my purse. Can't be too careful these days. I saw a story on the news program yesterday about Medicare fraud. It was just awful.

Sally Anttila dozed off twice during the next agenda item, something about taxes. She can't help it, because she has the narcolepsy, but she snores something fierce, and I'm sure her husband Harry just wants to put a pillow over her face sometimes. Sakes alive, if that man were in my bed, I certainly wouldn't be snoring.

Margaret Cunningham was honored as the Veteran Widow of the Year. She gave a long, rambling speech, mostly about her grandkids and the War, and you couldn't hear her very well. Everyone applauded politely, but she can't fool me. Veteran Widow of the Year! I remember when her biggest claim to fame was that she gave the best handjobs in town.

The meeting broke briefly for snacks and gossip. I especially enjoyed Pearl Norbert's delicious blueberry muffins, even though they're obviously made from a mix. Then when I went into the ladies' room, I just about died! I think it was that prissy Elsie van Doort. She thinks hers doesn't stink, but believe you me, it does. And she drinks!

After the break, Althea Joyner presented a proposal to feed the homeless during the Thanksgiving holidays. She requested $1200 be allocated for food and asked for volunteers to help cook, serve, set up and clean up. I voted in favor of the proposal, but I didn't volunteer to help. There are too many coloreds in this town nowadays. I think they should all go back where they came from and see if they can find a home there.

There were no new items for open discussion. Harriet Seymour moved that the meeting be adjourned, Abigail Henderson seconded. The meeting was officially adjourned at 1:38 PM. Hattie Baker leaned over to me and said, "Gertie, you don't need to write down EVERYTHING that goes on during the meeting!" But it's too damn late now, isn't it, you stuck-up, know-it-all bitch?

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